Castaway.

To be cast out of the rooms of the world, to not be included among men…

For those around you to see you, but never to choose you. To never create space at the table for you.

The Holy Scriptures call this rejection from mortals an opportunity to be consecrated unto heaven. To be set apart for the divine uses of God.

I wonder if that’s why Jesus chose a wedding banquet as the occasion to gather us in His robes. He knew how weary we would be from rejection and abandonment.

Many of us orphans walk through the sands of this life, praying to be seen by an unseen Father.

Maybe that is why the cries of the castaways move His heart, because He too knows what it is to be invisible to this world.

In the despair of my solitude, I close my eyes and I go to Him. I dance to a tune of brokenness between the great columns of alabaster. I weave my turns to the melody of the fires. The fires that are ablaze on the altars of incense, as I make my way to the Throne in a pain-filled worship.

Somewhere I know deep in the depths of my fragility that this rejection is pushing me closer to His pierced feet.

Choosing Him over my sorrow.

I hear the melody of the angels, ministering as I work my way closer to Him. No longer fearing the abyss of condemnation, but crying out from the abandoned place Jesus once was,

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me to this world that hates me?

And while I wait for His answer, He strengthens me for another dance.

Just one more glimpse of this King of Glory, that I might dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life.

Lord let me stay with you.

Don’t let me leave.

Don’t let me leave this place, the only place I have ever belonged. A place that drips of amber, of cinnamon, of myrrh.

But if I must go back to the land of men, strengthen my legs and my heart to sustain this rejection while staying soft to the music. The music in which we dance together, You and I.

Teach me, Beloved, to count it as gain when satan and his children revile you. For there is no greater compliment than for all of hell to know you are one that cannot be negotiated with.

And when I feel the night closing in on the earth, remind me of the dance in your Holy temple.

Remind me of the joy that awaits.

The joy of being capsized in your love; a love that neither angels nor demons can separate us from.

Where the plight and the tears of the orphans are transformed into the dance of the heirs.

Finally loved. Finally seen. Finally chosen. Finally safe. Finally free. Finally home.